Inspirational Iyanla Vanzant Quotes: Wisdom for Healing, Self-Love, and Personal Growth
Iyanla Vanzant, a renowned life coach, spiritual teacher, and best-selling author, has spent decades helping people transform their lives through healing, self-awareness, and empowerment. Known for her candid, heartfelt advice and the way she uses her personal experiences to connect with others, Vanzant’s words of wisdom inspire countless individuals to embrace self-love, overcome challenges, and pursue personal growth. Her quotes are full of practical guidance and spiritual insight, offering timeless lessons on how to navigate life’s difficulties and move toward greater fulfillment and inner peace. In this article, we’ll explore some of Iyanla Vanzant’s most inspirational quotes and how they can provide clarity and encouragement in our own lives.
1. “You have to meet people where they are, and sometimes you have to leave them there.”
One of Iyanla’s core teachings is the importance of boundaries and accepting people as they are. This quote reminds us that while empathy and understanding are essential, we cannot force others to change or meet our expectations. We often try to bring people along with us on our journey of growth, but Vanzant’s wisdom is about knowing when it’s time to let go. Accepting people for who they are—and leaving them there, if necessary—frees us from the burden of trying to control others and allows us to focus on our own path.
Application in Life:
This quote is especially powerful in relationships where we may feel frustrated by someone’s inability or unwillingness to grow with us. By learning to accept others’ limitations and focusing on our own growth, we cultivate healthier relationships based on mutual respect rather than control or dependency.
2. “When you have something to do, life will not allow you to move forward until you do it.”
Iyanla Vanzant emphasizes personal responsibility and the importance of taking action in our lives. This quote suggests that when there is a task, goal, or lesson that life is calling us to address, we cannot avoid it. Life will continue presenting obstacles and challenges until we take the necessary steps to complete what we’ve been avoiding. Whether it’s healing from past trauma, following a dream, or making a difficult decision, the universe won’t let us progress until we face what needs to be done.
Application in Life:
This quote encourages us to stop procrastinating or avoiding difficult decisions and instead confront our responsibilities head-on. Whether it’s addressing unresolved emotional issues, taking that leap of faith in our career, or making a major life change, the sooner we take action, the sooner we can move forward with our lives.
3. “Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change.”
Iyanla Vanzant often talks about the importance of shadow work—facing the darker aspects of ourselves, such as unresolved pain, trauma, or unhealthy behaviors. This quote reminds us that true growth and healing come from confronting those parts of ourselves we would rather ignore. By acknowledging and working through our fears, insecurities, and negative patterns, we empower ourselves to change and transform into healthier, more balanced individuals.
Application in Life:
This quote is a call to embrace self-reflection and honesty. It challenges us to examine our emotional triggers, past wounds, and limiting beliefs. By doing the inner work to heal and transform, we become empowered to create the life we want. The process of facing our “darkness” is difficult, but it’s the key to authentic personal growth.
4. “When you feel a ‘fit’ with someone, it means you are both in alignment with one another’s dysfunction.”
In her work, Vanzant often addresses the idea of attracting people who reflect our own unresolved issues. This quote challenges us to look more deeply at why we might be drawn to certain people or relationships that may not be healthy. Often, we bond with others over shared dysfunction—unresolved trauma, codependency, or insecurity. Recognizing this pattern allows us to break it and seek healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Application in Life:
This quote encourages us to examine our relationships and identify any unhealthy dynamics that may be present. If we notice that we’re attracted to people who mirror our own dysfunctions, it’s an opportunity to work on ourselves and seek healing. Healthy relationships are based on mutual growth, not shared trauma or dysfunction, and it’s essential to cultivate self-awareness in order to break harmful patterns.
5. “No matter what is going on in your life right now, it is only preparation for what is to come.”
This quote from Iyanla Vanzant offers hope and perspective during challenging times. It reminds us that life’s difficulties are not the end—they are the preparation for future blessings and opportunities. Every experience, even the painful ones, serves a purpose in our growth and development. By viewing struggles as preparation for what’s next, we can navigate them with more grace, patience, and resilience.
Application in Life:
When faced with hardships or setbacks, this quote encourages us to see them as stepping stones rather than obstacles. Instead of resisting or becoming discouraged by life’s challenges, we can embrace them as part of the journey toward something greater. Trusting that each experience has value helps us build resilience and stay focused on long-term growth.
6. “You don’t get to tell people how to love you. You get to choose if you want to participate in the way they love.”
Vanzant’s wisdom on relationships is rooted in the understanding that we cannot control others, but we can control how we respond to them. This quote highlights the importance of accepting people’s limitations in how they express love. Rather than trying to change or dictate how someone loves us, we have the power to decide whether that love is enough for us and whether we want to remain in the relationship.
Application in Life:
This quote teaches us to take responsibility for our emotional boundaries. Instead of trying to change people or demand more than they are capable of giving, we can choose whether to accept the love they offer or to walk away if it doesn’t meet our needs. It encourages self-respect and reinforces the importance of making choices that honor our emotional well-being.
7. “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”
One of Iyanla Vanzant’s most powerful messages is about self-love and the dangers of comparison. In a world driven by social media, where we are constantly bombarded by images of other people’s achievements, appearances, or lifestyles, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. This quote reminds us that comparison only breeds self-criticism and dissatisfaction. It’s an act of harm we inflict upon ourselves.
Application in Life:
This quote encourages us to stop measuring our worth against the lives of others and focus instead on our own unique journey. By practicing self-compassion and gratitude for what we have, we free ourselves from the need to compare. Everyone’s path is different, and we are each worthy in our own right. This mindset fosters self-acceptance and inner peace.
8. “Until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”
This powerful quote speaks to the necessity of deep healing. Many of us try to numb our pain or distract ourselves from it through various coping mechanisms, but Iyanla Vanzant reminds us that true healing only comes from confronting the root of our pain. Avoiding it through unhealthy habits or behaviors only prolongs the suffering. To truly heal, we must face our past traumas, work through them, and make peace with them.
Application in Life:
This quote is a call to stop avoiding emotional pain and begin the process of true healing. It challenges us to seek therapy, self-reflection, or spiritual guidance to deal with unresolved wounds. By addressing the pain at its core, rather than numbing it, we can free ourselves from its grip and move forward with clarity, peace, and strength.
9. “It’s not the things you do to people; it’s the things you allow yourself to do.”
Vanzant speaks to the importance of self-accountability with this quote. Often, we may justify actions or behaviors that hurt ourselves or others, but ultimately, we are responsible for what we allow ourselves to do. Whether it’s staying in unhealthy relationships, repeating destructive habits, or tolerating disrespect, we must take responsibility for the choices we make in how we treat ourselves and others.
Application in Life:
This quote encourages us to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our actions. By recognizing that we have the power to choose how we behave and what we allow in our lives, we regain control. It’s a reminder that self-love also means holding ourselves accountable for the choices we make and the behaviors we tolerate.
10. “You have to fill your own cup. You have to do what is necessary to be in a state of readiness to receive the things that will fulfill your life.”
Iyanla Vanzant often speaks about the importance of self-care and self-love as prerequisites for a fulfilling life. This quote reminds us that we cannot pour from an empty cup—before we can give to others or be ready for life’s blessings, we must first take care of ourselves. Fulfilling our own needs, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, allows us to be in a position to receive and give in healthy ways.
Application in Life:
This quote is a reminder to prioritize self-care and self-nourishment. It encourages us to ensure that we are emotionally and mentally well before taking on the demands of
others or expecting fulfillment from external sources. By filling our own cup—through rest, boundaries, hobbies, and self-compassion—we can engage with the world from a place of abundance rather than depletion.
Conclusion: Living by Iyanla Vanzant’s Wisdom
Iyanla Vanzant’s quotes are not just words of inspiration; they are guideposts for navigating life’s challenges with grace, self-awareness, and inner strength. Her wisdom encourages us to heal our wounds, embrace self-love, set boundaries, and take responsibility for our growth. Whether you’re struggling with relationships, facing personal challenges, or seeking a deeper understanding of yourself, Vanzant’s words offer practical and spiritual insights that can help guide you toward a more fulfilled, empowered, and peaceful life.
Practical Ways to Apply Iyanla Vanzant’s Quotes in Your Life:
- Set Boundaries: Accept people for who they are and don’t be afraid to walk away if their behavior doesn’t align with your values.
- Embrace Healing: Confront your emotional wounds rather than avoiding them, and seek healing through therapy, reflection, or spiritual practices.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Regularly take time to care for yourself, ensuring that your needs are met before trying to care for others.
- Take Responsibility: Own your actions and choices, recognizing that you have the power to shape your life and relationships in healthy ways.
By living according to Iyanla Vanzant’s teachings, you can cultivate a life filled with love, authenticity, and personal growth.
